Row, Row , Row Your Boat.....

Lately I have been riding the waves of my crazy emotions. So much is going on and change is slapping me in the face at every corner. For starters, this is the first August in 9 years that I am not getting a classroom ready and carefully putting new names on folders, desk tags and fun, new bulletin board items. If I think too much about it, I feel a little lost and a bit unsure of who I am. For most of my adult life I have found much happiness and satisfaction in my teaching. Now that it is gone I realize I must find out who I am without it. My mom is back in Florida and it is, and always has been, hard for me to say goodbye to her. She is my friend and my willing helper. She has a way of lighting a fire under my butt like no one else. And just to keep things in our house tense my husband and I decided, before Tom was conceived, that it would be "fun" to build a house. The fun has been sporadic and the tension has been a bit more pervasive. Add having a baby to that mixture and we see a lot of fireworks here in my neck of the woods! Thank God we are almost ready to move but with that said you should also know that I hate change. I don't even rearrange my furniture. SO this will get more interesting. Now for the cherry on top, my sister is moving to North Carolina. That is a big commute for a Target run. She is my friend and I couldn't love her boys more if they were my own. I enjoy them. I consider them friends too. I have gotten used to having her at my finger tips. More importantly, she runs my show. After 30 years, it's too late to take the helm. I can't think about that either or at least not until I buy stock in Kleenex. Did I mention I HATE change??!!
Then the joy comes- the cool drink of water for my soul --- my son. He has become my steady. His smile floors me and his sweet voice reminds me that tomorrow is always a better day. He helps me remember that change can be great as he begins to sit up and get bigger. In a lot of ways, I feel like the two of us are growing together. We are both figuring out what this new world we are finding ourselves in is all about. Most of all he reminds me that God is gracious. SO every morning I have been waking up and making a choice. I choose to hope in the things I can't see and believe the words that seem impossible at the moment. C.S. Lewis actually said it better than me.
He said, "Both harder and easier than what we are trying to do....The real problem of the Christian life comes the very moment you wake up each morning. All your wishes and hopes for the day rush at you like wild animals. And the first job each morning consists simply in shoving them all back; in listening to that other voice, taking that other point of view, letting that other larger, stronger, quieter life come flowing in. And so on, all day..."
Bottom line - the water is rough and I feel tossed around but I believe there is smooth sailing in the days to come.

(See Mom, I always follow directions!!!)

A Quiet Morning

This week has been busy for Tom and me. My husband does the electric for the county fair so, we have been visiting him for dinner. Then, yesterday I had a lunch date with some of the girls I used to teach with and Tom hung out with Laney and Joe. Needless to say, my little guy hasn't been getting to sleep the way he normally does. Up until this morning, he has been getting up like usual. Today, however, he slept until 7:30. ( This is practically sleeping the day away for us.) I nurse him when he gets up and then we snooze together for a while but we are up and moving by 7:30 /8:00. Well, not this morning!!! My little Rip Van Winkle slept until 9:30. I could not believe it. I got up and made coffee- still he slept on. I drank a cup and no baby action. Then I realized I was just walking in circles. I did not know what to do with myself. I had to laugh because sometimes I would kill for just a quiet minute and a cup of coffee. I had one and I almost wasted it. When he woke up he had a funny smile on his face like he knew I couldn't get by without him. I smiled back because he was right.

Pictures and Pedicures

I took the baby for his first pictures last week. It was a blast! My Mom forced me to go and came with me. I was a little nervous about how he would do because I knew he was tired from a busy weekend. We got to the photo place and I recognized the girl taking pictures from my church's nursery. When she saw us she knew Tom right away. He began to smile and laugh at the sight of her. I couldn't believe it. She took beautiful pictures and Tom had so much fun. He just came alive for every photo. He was so cute he drew a crowd. I watched and felt like crying seeing how blessed I am. I felt thankful for Alisha (photographer) and my Mom reminded me that God even cares about Tom's pictures. Thanks Mom. I now drop Tom off in the nursery on Sundays with new confidence. He is in good hands! Both sets, God's and Alisha's.


I finally got that pedicure today! Laney offered to watch Tom so I could go. She came over and we had a funny conversation. She said, "You have to blog that".
First a little background--- It was very hot today! I am talking Amazon hot. When I took the "boys" out for a walk I realized it was too hot for clothes. Because there are laws about nudity and my butt shakes, I showered and put on a little sundress. When Laney arrived I was playing on the floor with Tom. She made a comment about seeing up my dress when I realized this might not be the outfit for a pedicure. I had a vision of me sitting in that high chair and the mean pedicure lady looking up my dress. I told Laney I needed to change. She reasoned, "They are going to talk about you anyway, why not make it good?". I thought about it, but decided to change my clothes anyway. I remembered a recent awkward, pregnant Brazilian wax episode I got myself into and realized the last thing I needed was "a situation."

Grace

I am cleaning my house today. I am making lists of things I 've been meaning to do and realizing that I have only condiments in my refrigerator. Today, I am claiming God's grace over everything in my life. It's funny how on days like today I have more grace for everyone I encounter. When I suck cob webs out of my hidden corners and find a lonely chip under my couch, my humanity screams at me and only grace gets me through. I looked at my chipped pedicure and asked myself "who I was kidding?". The truth is humbling and awakening. I am not afraid to admit that I am not perfect but am simply trying real hard. Things get away from me and life distracts me. Some days I don't I don't have energy to keep up. Some days I am discourged. The lie that I find myself believing is that everyone else has it together completely and I am alone. On days like today, I hear God whisper that he loves me anyway, chipped toenail and all. Then I have strenghth to finish the grueling task of scrubbing my toiliet. I find my thinking changes. I think of how I have been impatient with those in my life and how I often demand perfection from those around me. I am sorry because, who do I think I am? I am just a girl doing her best, clinging to the hope that God's grace is sufficent. So, I return to my cleaning, but I am taking a few memroies of today with me. I will be more loving today, I will have more grace for everyone because I think we all have cobwebs under our beds. And who couldn't use a pedicure?

Girls Day Out - Plus Joe and Tom

Today we went shopping. Going shopping with the girls is kind of a ritual. Often, we follow the same patterrn and we each have very distinctive roles. Laney drives because she has the big car and she is the most punctual. We enter the store, we put on our game faces and take on our roles.
Laney is the leader. She makes the plan and we (Mom and I) follow. She uses her stroller like a battering ram navigating even the toughest of crowds. We follow behind.
My Mom is the expert. She spends alot of time in the stores and knows what is the best price and what is in style. This is really for me because I usually look like a homeless person that they are treating to a day out.
I am the critic. I provide the brutal honesty in the dressing room(a.k.a. crunch time). My famous line is "get that off before someone sees you".

Both of the girls have way more stamina than me. They could go for hours. I need lots of breaks and plenty of snacks. The truth is I don't know if I really enjoy shopping or if I just enjoy them. If it weren't for them I would seldom buy the correct size or be in style. My Mom always wants to buy everything for us and Laney has a way of making me feel like I always look great. I love those girls. If I didn't I would last ten minutes in handbags.

I Have Been Tagged

Gina tagged me!Here goes!

10 years ago: I was a junior in college. I was going through my grunge phase and making crazy memories with friends. I was suffering at the hands of a mean ex-boyfriend I used to call the spawn of satan. Who, by the way, didn't shower and smelled!! What was I thinking??? My sister was getting married and that was a happy time. I was trying to figure out my life.

5 years ago: I was a full fledged teacher. I was teaching second grade at the time and loving those sweet little honeys. I was breaking up with what would be my last steady boyfriend and meeting my husband.

1 year ago: I found out that I was pregnant. I can only say that I was filled with joy. For a few years there I thought that I was not going to be able to have kids. Being a lover of little ones, my heart was breaking at the thought of not having one of my own. I will always be thankful to God for giving me the privilege of being a mother, a gift I don't take for granted.

Yesterday: I was with my favorite crowd. I went to Panera with my mom, sister and all of our boys. The kids were so well behaved and the food was yummy! We went to Babies R'Us and I purchased a baby shower gift for a friend of mine.

Today: I cleaned my house!!! Listened to Fox news, while trying to solve the problem of terroism in my head. (Man,I was busy!) I went to the mall for a bit and I blogged!!! Hooray!!!

5 snacks I enjoy: Coffee, Cotton Candy, Pop tarts, Mentos (the fresh maker) and canolies

5 bands I know most of the lyrics of their songs: R.E.M., Cowboy Junkies, Over the Rhine, Rich Mullins, and 10,000 Maniacs. I have to tell you that I also know and love to sing old showtunes and hymns. A crazy mix!!!

Things I would Do with 100 million dollars: I literally would just give it all away. I would give it to my family and friends.
Oh, I would like to by myself a little farm house by my some water and plenty of space for thinking.

5 bad habits I have: Being sarcastic, using "adult language", drinking pots and pots of coffee, picking my thumbs and going on the scale.

5 locations I would run away to: Rome, Mexico, Shana's house, Ireland and my parents house.

5 things I would never wear: Go,go boots, high waisted jeans, blue eyeshadow,
a baby on board t-shirt and a bow in my hair or on my body.

5 things I like doing: teaching, painting, spending time with the people I love, laughing and scrapbooking. ( Don't worry Mom, I like to read too!)

5 biggest joys of the moment: Getting Tom from a nap or in the morning and listening to him scream with delight when he sees me, bathtime and bedtime with Tom, being with my two best girls, Mom and Laney, hearing Joe say, "Ooie" ( that's Laurie in toddler) and my new church

5 famous people I would like to meet:President Bush, Mark Levin, Georgia O'Keefe, Matt Damon (I know he would fall for me if we met) and I wish I could have met Ronald Reagan

5 movies I like: Clueless, Fried Green Tomatoes, Steel Magnolias, You've Got Mail and Overboard.

5 TV Shows I like: Everybody Loves Raymond (Always funny!), The Apprentice, 24 ( Always scary), Trading Spaces and anything on the E channel (guilty pleasure- it just sucks me in)

5 favorite toys: my swiffer, my vacuum, my dishwasher, my computer and my cell phone.
Digital camera, you ask? Stop it!! I just figured out the computer!!

There is no one left to tag because I am too slow!

Rolling,Rolling,Rolling

Well, the big day finally arrived. We have rollage!!!!! I have been keeping a close eye on Tom when he is in his play gym so that I don't miss the first roll. I was beginning to turn into one of the crazy mothers I used to roll my mental eyeballs at when I was teaching school, all possive and controlling. I'll tell you , I have more grace for mothers of every kind today. I am so proud of my little guy. Without my help he just rolled. Why does that make me feel like a success thus far? Crazy I know. He is getting so big. Often I hold in my arms and try to memorize the feeling.

Cotton Candy and Rainy Days

WOW! I have been so busy and distracted. I just started blogging and already I am behind the eight ball!! Ouch!!!
Cotton Candy
Last weekend the fam ( husband, baby, dog and me) went down the shore. For all of you non-New Jerseyians, this means we went to the beach for a few days. We had fun by the pool and went to the boardwalk. If you have never been to a Jersey boardwalk you must try it. It is a freakshow that P.T. Barnum himself couldn't have even dreamed of. Half the fun is people watching. And if you're looking to gain a quick twenty pounds, this is the place for you. I ate a huge bag of cotton candy so fast my fingers didn't even get sticky. I love it so much, it's like eating sugary clouds, truly the perfect treat!! All told, we had fun. Tom went in the pool for the first time! I never knew it took so little to make me so happy.
Rainy Day
This week was crazy with appointments, shoprite runs, dinner, lunch, visits with old friends etc.. Add in a little family stress and by Friday I was ready for a melt down. Thank God it rained!
Don't you love a rainy day? It's like a good cry. God says, "Stay home and I'll provide the sound track."When I woke up on Saturday the sun was so bright, it was a beautiful day. All day I wondered if it hadn't rained the day before, would the sun seem so bright? Bottom line, it didn't matter because it just felt so good.